Discussing the Big ‘D’ Word (Depression is Real)

depression is real

I struggled to find a title for this post. It could have been many titles. Nothing fully encompasses what I am going to share. This is hard, but this is real. My blog tag line is “a real mom sharing real experiences” So I felt I needed to share this real part of my life with you. I know I am not alone. I hate discussing the big ‘d’ word…depression. I feel like I am saying a dirty four letter word.

I suffer with Depression. I have for most of my adult life. It hit hard after my first child in Postpartum Depression. I have been on medication ever since then. It is a chemical imbalance. Depression is real. Sometimes there is no reason to feel sad, but I do.

When life gets really tough I struggle. I shut down. I fall into a place and do not know how to get out. That is where I have been since we moved.

Something you may not know about people with depression is that major life changes affect them more than an average person. I can not speak for the average person, but I can speak for those with clinical depression. Stress messes with our chemicals. It can knock us off our feet. It can start a downward spiral.

depression is real

When we moved it was emotional for all of us. I was finally in a good place emotionally and stable. Once we moved and my whole world was changed, I fell apart. I cried all the time. Even great things did jot help. I shut myself off from the world. I quit blogging for a while. I was very sensitive. It was all about me. I was in a black hole.

I continued working because it was my one constant. I work with the most amazing women. I remember crying through an important meeting with my bosses. I was so embarrassed. I should have just said what was going on, but you see, I was ashamed.

I am ashamed. I have never wanted this illness to define me. I want to make people happy and encourage them. I do not want things to be about me or my weakness.  I work hard to cover it up. So hard that it actually makes it worse.

Depression is not a choice

2 weeks ago we were struggling with staying in Louisiana with my husband or living apart. We discussed moving me and the kids back home.  My husband would commute. We miss home so much. We miss our friends, church, family, school and our HOME! I thought was back home would make me happy again. When it came down to it. I couldn’t. I knew I needed my husband. I needed our family to stay together. My husband is my rock.

It was one of my worst weeks. Tears and breakdowns were constant. I wanted to run away or  crawl in a hole and never come out. It was a black week. My family called because I am sure they worried about me. I did not answer. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. (even those that I love the most) Mostly because I was embarrased, ashamed and I knew I could not explain. I am not sure how I got through it. What I do know is that I survived.  God was my only hope. He carried me through the dark.

I am thankful.
I am here.
I am real.

Why am I sharing this? I am not sure. I felt I needed to. I hope that if you are in this place you will hold on to hope. You are strong. You are here for a reason. PLEASE reach out to someone. Depression makes you believe that no one cares. But they DO! I DO!

Reach out to me if you have no one else. I am HERE. I am REAL, just like you! We are in this together.

About Heather Brummett

I am Heather Brummett , the owner of Living on Love and Cents, a Christian, wife and mom of 2 sharing real life experiences. I'm am a Texan, living in Louisiana. I'm a real mom, sharing my real life experiences with the world. Thank you for being a part of my world. To be featured or for information on freelance work contact me at livingonloveandcents@gmail.com.

Comments

  1. Heather, as you know, I can relate to so much that you’ve been through the past few months. I also dealt with PPD, but didn’t know it at the time. It was a rather new diagnosis and I didn’t know anything about it. I’ve dealt with varying forms of depression my entire life. When we mix that in with one of life’s biggest stresses, it can get pretty yucky! I haven’t figured my way through this yet. I’m still not settled and I still don’t know what I’m going to do. It’s been a long road and I don’t know where the path is going. Wishing I had a beacon lighting my way, but as Fred says quite often, right now all I have is a pen light. We’ll get through this. God has a plan, right now we have to cling to that. <3

  2. Thank you for sharing your story. I know how difficult it must have been to put it into words. I recently had a “coming out” myself when I shared publicly that I lost my Dad 9 yrs ago to suicide. One of the things I did at that time that was very therapeutic was create a living locket. I put one together with things that represented what my Dad meant to me. I adore it. I wore it to a “Walk out of the Darkness” event and it felt like I had a piece of my DAd with me. If you’d like to go through the process of creating one for yourself, I’d love to assist you. Give me a shout. WhooDatOwlJewelry.com Best of luck on your journey. NEVER give up!

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  1. […] about these women for a minute. They have held my hand through the crazy last year of moving and changes in my life. This team has been my rock. I can’t say enough fabulous things about Sandy, Alicia, April, […]

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