I was the first one at the doctor’s office. I was really early. It was all I could think about. It had been a very long couple of days. Did you read about the unidentified object in my body? So many what ifs going through my mind. I was ready for answers. I was ready for her to say that this is a big ugly but simple cyst and she can remove it next week. Then I’ll be all better. But that didn’t happen.
She came in to see me with that serious look in her eyes. A sort of sincere good morning. She had a folder full of my results. Blood work, urine results, ultrasound photos, and CT Scan report. She wanted to walk me through the results. She sat down and opened up the report.
…and so on. It was all good. I am a clear, fluid free, un-swollen, healthy organs girl.
Except the last part. The mass measured larger than the ultrasound showed. It is approximately 10 cm. There are septations (yes more than one), and she started drawing a diagram. This was more than a cyst. All the words sounded like a foreign language to me.
I tried to listen but I couldn’t breath.
She said if I was a post menopausal woman, 55 or older this would be a text book case of ovarian cancer. Since I do not have any risk factors and am otherwise healthy, she couldn’t say for sure. She wanted to be wrong but also wanted to be proactive.
The test results all showed that it was cancer. She gave me hope that maybe it wasn’t. She did know that it needs to come out now. I could read between the lines. I saw it in her eyes.
She kept saying ‘that c word’.
I had some options. It was up to me how I wanted to proceed. Surgery now then go to the Oncologist, more tests (she said they would probably show the same), wait, have 2 surgeries, or go strait to an Oncologist. That is what she recommended. To go to an Oncologist ASAP to remove it and treat me.
Wait! What? Oncologist?
I couldn’t breath… but I couldn’t cry. I had to make decisions.
HOUSTON! I thought, I want to go to Houston! Houston is my home. They have the best cancer doctors in the world and my family is there! Let’s find a doctor there!
Next stop, a Gyno Oncologist in Houston.
They took more blood for special cancer tests and sent me home with copies of my results.
At this point, I am leaning on God and my family. GOD has this under control. That does not mean I am not scared to death. I am terrified of what is to come. What I will put my kids and husband through. What I’ll put my mom through. There are so many what ifs.
But one thing is for sure. God loves me. God will carry me. I am a blessed girl!
“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and shun evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones” (Proverbs 3:5-8).
“…the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God’s will. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:26-28).