This weekend my husband and I were talking. My daughter turns 9 this week and it got us thinking. If you had told us 10 years ago, that one day we would have a 9 and a 5 year old, we would have laughed. This is not the life I expected to have. Let me tell you a little story that will help you see why.
2002 – I married my sweetheart!
2003- We were in a small apartment, but decided we wanted a baby. We wanted a boy to be totally honest.
Feb 2004- We bought a house. So exciting. No baby yet. I got some books on making a baby. (Don’t laugh!)
Mid 2004- Started having tests done to figure out why I wasn’t getting pregnant. Diagnosed with PCOS. I wasn’t ovulating. Had multiple cysts. Auto Immune Disorders issues, including thyroid. We went to a specialist and did a few months trying with medication to assist.
September 2004- Told by Endo and OBGYN my chances of getting pregnant without fertility treatments were very slim. We opted NOT to do fertility treatments. We prayed a lot! We let go of our dreams of having biological children.
Oct 2004-Jan 2005- We decided to adopt. We were adopting from Panama. Home study, the nursery was ready, paper work galore, Passports, Government paperwork, referral letters, tests… All Approved.
July 2005- We paid our very last adoption fee. Our paperwork was in Panama. We were waiting to be matched with a child. The call was expected to come any day. We could not wait to go get our child. I also had a treatment on my thyroid to kill it (RAI Treatment). I remember I was told by the staff before I did the treatment that you must not get pregnant for at least 12 weeks after this procedure. Joel and I laughed! Not a chance.
End of July 2005- I was late, which was not odd. I felt very weird and that was odd. I had so many old pregnancy tests from when we were trying to get pregnant. I thought why not.
THERE WERE 2 LINES! I had never seen 2 lines!! I called my husband into the bathroom with sleepy eyes and said “How many lines do you see???” He said “2… What does that mean?”
August 2005- I was pregnant! I bleed a lot and we thought I was miscarrying twice. My OBGYN recommended terminating the pregnancy. I remember that conversation so well. The Radioactivity (from the RAI) in my body was dangerous. The baby was likely to not survive or have developmental issues. I thought about that for exactly 0 seconds! I KNEW this child was a gift, an answered prayer and he/she was meant to be here! I gave it to God and let faith guide me.
August 2005-March 2006- We put the adoption on hold. We could not do both at the same time. Ultrasounds about every 2 weeks to check on her. A lot of scares. I went on bed rest the last month. It was a rough 9 months!
March 2006 – A perfectly healthy baby girl came into this world with a grand entrance! After 24 hours in labor, we needed to do a c-section. The epidurals did not work the entire time I was in labor. I got 4 I think? The last one did it. They rolled me into the operating room and my husband was told to get dressed and wait for the green light. Then things got very scary!
Suddenly, I couldn’t breath. I couldn’t move. Something was very wrong. I said I couldn’t breath and the nurses told me, if I was talking I could breath. I couldn’t move my arms like they said to do. The dr was looking at me as I turned blue. I thought I said “help me”, but nothing came out. Everything went black. I do remember things about that moment that are too personal to share. Simply put: I coded. They brought me back. I woke up 5 hours later. I was no longer pregnant. She was not inside me! I was told I had a daughter!
All I wanted was to see my baby and my husband. They rolled me into a room and I saw my husband. He told me she was perfect! When she was 6 hours old I saw her for the first time! I held my baby! My husband did not see her come into this world either. They did an emergency removal of her when I stopped breathing. So neither of us saw her enter the world. They came and got my husband, but instead of coming in the operating room where I was, he went to a room with our baby. They were still working on me. He had no idea what was happening. From the moment of conception this miracle child was determined and meant to be here!!
Fast forward to 2015. We are celebrating her 9th birthday! I am crying as I write this, thinking about those years of uncertainty. The tears. The prayers. The pain. It was worth every second!
They are my everything.
Life isn’t good. It is AMAZING. I am blessed with much more than I ever dreamed I could be. I thank God every day for the life be has blessed me with, my husband (who is a ROCK), and the children that he trusted us with.
So no, this is not the life I expected. It is so much MORE!
No mater how much we plan, God’s plan is so much bigger and greater. Life is full of surprises. Good and bad! Put aside your expectations and let the surprises roll in. I am ready!
Thanks for taking time to read my little story. I hope it explains why I feel the way I do today about my babies, miracles, life, faith, and love!
You may be in the midst of things that do not make sense or your heart is breaking daily. Maybe you are terrified. If you are in the middle of that dark time, please keep the faith. If I could go back in time and tell myself anything, it would be this: “Keep your eyes on God and keep going. Your story is not over yet! There are beautiful surprises ahead!” So instead, I will tell YOU that today!
Keep your eyes on God and keep going. Your story is not over yet! There are beautiful surprises ahead!